Just need to say this...

Last post: "Owning my Mistakes" by Anthony Stewart Head & George Sarah

"She's blood, flesh and bone

No tucks or silicone

She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe

That anything should happen

I know where I belong

And nothing's gonna happen"

I think this is pretty self explanatory. I really wish I could get over her. She's painfully cute... downright adorable, really.

"What could a guy like me ever really offer?

She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?"

It's just really painful, but I'm used to it. I also have friends and family telling me I'm a great guy and I'm sure to meet someone. I may be great, but that doesn't mean I'm good enough. Love is so painful.

"'Cause she's so high

High above me, she's so lovely

She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite

She's so high, high above me."

So this song was playing on the radio when I dropped her off tonight. Touché Mr. Universe, touché.

Relation-Ship

Last post: "The Guy with Computer Know-How" by The Arrogant Worms

"Well there's nothing good come from guilt

Better give it up, give it up and move on

Just owning my mistakes"

Yes, it's been a while. Quick update:

Graduated, which is good. Got a job, which is good. Moved to a condo, which is good. So I should be happy, right?

"Can't blame anyone

For anything I've done

They're my mistakes"

I have been thinking more about human relationships lately. It's so odd how seemingly random people seem to meet and become friends. Add to that the internet, which has resulted in even more random people meeting and becoming friends.

As I write this I'm chatting with a bunch of people in a chat room. I really don't "know" them per se, but none-the-less I join them each Thursday evening. The conversation is weird and not really about anything, but it's an odd kind of fun. In addition, it's very different from the old chatting in that it's voice chat now along with a video feed from our "host."

In addition, I have been chatting with a girl I met in real life. We have become very fast friends and all of our important conversations have been on MSN. Sure, we've gotten together for the odd day/evening out, but we really only talk via MSN.

"Well there's nothing good ever come from guilt

Better give it up, give it up and move on"

Not that I have anything against Internet-based relationships. There was a time when my entire social life was on-line. I met my first girlfriend on-line. That ended, but it was still a good relationship for a while. Internet relationships can be just as important as in real life. Some people seem surprised by this.

"A lie is like a bottle of wine from a cheap liquor store...

It doesn't cost much at the time but it burns as it goes down...

And you know you're gonna pay - later you say, now it's OK

But as hard as you swallow you can't shake the taste

The acid and the afterthought churning in you belly"

I've been told I'm a great friend. That should be enough. I'm trying to not worry about any other relationships.

"And it leaves you with nothing but regrets

Just owning my mistakes"

Prepare to launch

Last post: "Auld lang syne" by Robert Burns

"Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do what prophets say?
If I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?"

We're in the final stretch now with two more weeks of classes. I'm doing well, despite volunteering for an extra task. My final project is complete, my portfolio DVD is getting close, and I have my internship information. I really don't know what is going to happen next, which is a rather strange feeling. I haven't had a lot of time to think about it, but that time is coming soon. I've been preparing, but can I be fully prepared?

"A life is time, they teach you growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go"

I've been thinking about the wrong things, really. Obsessed about potential love, which isn't real. Hopefully the internship and coming job search will take my mind off of all that. I still need focus to finish up these last couple weeks. I am looking forward to the grad show, which I've been a part of. Hopefully that too will go well.

I've been watching The Office a lot. There is this constant theme of unrequited love, so I really identify with Jim. It's also a very funny show and I highly recommend it to anyone who actually reads this.

"I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met"

Time, Love, and The Big Mall

Last post: “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race” by Fall Out Boy

“Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad”

10 begin painful rant:

Why, why, why why why why why? Why? Why do I do this?
Why do I always fall in love with a girl I have absolutely no chance with?

Would it really be so much to ask that I fall for someone who is actually within my reach? I feel like I’m back in high school again. I hated myself then. Grrr.

20 pause painful rant

I’ve found myself looking at the clock when I’m home in the evening. If it’s before 9:00pm, I can still go to the mall. It’s not that I want to shop, exactly, it’s just a good place to go for a walk and look and stuff. A lot of people dislike that mall, but when it’s a block away it doesn’t seem so bad. Part of the issue for most people is that you have to drive, park, walk a few kilometers to get the stores you want, then drive home. Without that drive, it seems so much nicer even during the busy days.

“And if my time don't ever come
For me you're still the one
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you”

30 bang head on desk

I’ll figure it out, or do something stupid, whichever.