Fate

Last Post: “Clocks” by Coldplay

I’ve been thinking a lot about fate lately. Much of that comes from my D&D game where I’ve been playing with prophecy and how that can affect a person’s concepts of what is happening, or what will happen. In any story, from the character’s perspective, they are completely guided by fate. The author decides what will happen to each character. The character has no say.

"This is my Destiny only child
Come on and rescue me 'cos I'm wild
This is my selection when I'm sure
Not looking for deception like before"

This is different in a Dungeons and Dragons game. The Dungeon Master sets the story into motion, but the characters have choice. For the most part, this choice is limited to the current events the characters can only react to. But at the same time it creates a unique narrative as they can choose to do something that affects the story in a way the DM may not see happening.

So, is it fate or is it choice? This is the question that drives my story. I know what is going to happen, or at least what is supposed to happen, but the players have an influence. They can choose to do something different at any time.

I do not believe in fate, per se. I believe our choices open the paths that we follow in our lives. These paths lead us to the things we are to do, and the people we are to meet. We belong where we are. That can be hard to accept at times as life puts us in difficult situations, but even the difficult times shape our lives and propel us along the path.

"How can I change the path that I'm on
This is my Destiny
This is my life my own right or wrong
Bring it on back to me
How can I say what it is that I want
Wisdom speak to me
Life your sweet then the moment is gone

This is my Destiny”

An incalculable number of choices led me to a single moment on a random Wednesday night. Sure, the reason I was there was necessity… I needed milk. But I still chose to go to Wal-Mart. I chose that particular location based on it being on my way home, which in itself was based on the series of choices I made in my life.

The time of my wanderings around the store was also based on choices, particularly my job which happens to be all closing shifts. I could spend hours detailing the path that brought me there too. All those factors together, and an odd compulsion to wander a department store at 9:30 pm on a Wednesday night brought me to one point in time.

I can’t imagine the paths and choices that brought her to that moment. Still, there she was. We spotted each other at the same time.

It has been many years since we last spoke, which is as it always is, an unfortunate part of life. Friends drift apart. It’s no ones’ fault, just a fact of life. But as I saw her, I know it was the perfect moment for us to meet again.

"This is my intention hear me now
Don't need correction please me how
Breaking out the institution crazy law
Ain't no complication live for more"

Moments of revelation such as those almost make me believe that some Universal force draws us to certain points. How could the limitless number of choices and possibilities really cause two paths to cross again after so many years?

We shall definitely have to meet for coffee. I really need to know how our paths crossed again… and more importantly, why.

Is it fate, or is it choice?

2008 Year in Review

Last Post: "She's So High" by Tal Bachman

(Note: I know this is/has been covered, but his was the version that was played on the radio)

"The lights go out and I can't be saved

Tides that I tried to swim against

Have brought me down upon my knees

Oh I beg, I beg and plead singing"

Well, it's that time of year again. Actually a bit past. I wasn't going to do this at first, but the plan is to focus on the positive. Let's see how that plan works out shall we:

I told a few friends that 2007 was like a locomotive. I just kept right on going, even when the bridge went out right in front of me. 2008 was like a roller coaster. There were some big highs, but some crashing lows too.

"Come out of things unsaid

Shoot an apple off my head and a

Trouble that can't be named

A tiger's waiting to be tamed singing"

So to start off on the right foot, I was terribly depressed from late December 2007 until mid February. Strangely it was my birthday (my 30th for those keeping count) that turned the tide. For the most part I was just trying to get through school, getting my projects done along with helping a number of classmates with theirs.

Also with school, I was on the Grad Show committee. I was mostly there to make sure the needs of Motion Image were met, but it was still a great experience. We managed to pull off a great show, and with many movies complete, I graduated with great marks.

My placement for school got me a job at Image Works, which was a great start for a new career. I'm still there now and there is plenty of work to do. There hasn't been quite as much adventure tied to this job as my previous one, but it's good work.

"You are

You are"

The summer was interesting. I worked. I didn't go anywhere. Okay, that's sad.

I met a girl, which was great... fell in love, which was terrible.

Ultimately she has become a great friend, and I could not imagine not having her in my life. Also I have strengthened another friendship which has been great... I hope she think so too.

"Come out upon my seas,

Cursed missed opportunities

Am I part of the cure

Or am I part of the disease, singing"

I moved out of that crappy suite and into an apartment-style condo. This was a huge boost, really, and the heated, underground parking has been wonderful.

In gaming news, I started playing World of Warcraft when school ended. As of this writing my main is at level 63. Obviously I've been a more casual player than some but I think I get my money's worth.  Wizard's opted to print more money by releasing the 4th edition of Dungeons and Dragons. I opted to DM for my group and am running a game featuring an epic story-line. I hope that works out.

"And nothing else compares

You are

You are"

As it is the rest of the year kinda continued on. There weren't any other major incidents, which may actually be a good thing. I'm hoping for a calm, quiet year. Hopefully I can meet that special someone, but I've got enough to keep going for a while either way.

Yeah, 3 out of 5 would be a good rating. There were some great moments, but I spent too much time depressed.

"Home, home where I wanted to go."

Just need to say this...

Last post: "Owning my Mistakes" by Anthony Stewart Head & George Sarah

"She's blood, flesh and bone

No tucks or silicone

She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe

That anything should happen

I know where I belong

And nothing's gonna happen"

I think this is pretty self explanatory. I really wish I could get over her. She's painfully cute... downright adorable, really.

"What could a guy like me ever really offer?

She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?"

It's just really painful, but I'm used to it. I also have friends and family telling me I'm a great guy and I'm sure to meet someone. I may be great, but that doesn't mean I'm good enough. Love is so painful.

"'Cause she's so high

High above me, she's so lovely

She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite

She's so high, high above me."

So this song was playing on the radio when I dropped her off tonight. Touché Mr. Universe, touché.

Relation-Ship

Last post: "The Guy with Computer Know-How" by The Arrogant Worms

"Well there's nothing good come from guilt

Better give it up, give it up and move on

Just owning my mistakes"

Yes, it's been a while. Quick update:

Graduated, which is good. Got a job, which is good. Moved to a condo, which is good. So I should be happy, right?

"Can't blame anyone

For anything I've done

They're my mistakes"

I have been thinking more about human relationships lately. It's so odd how seemingly random people seem to meet and become friends. Add to that the internet, which has resulted in even more random people meeting and becoming friends.

As I write this I'm chatting with a bunch of people in a chat room. I really don't "know" them per se, but none-the-less I join them each Thursday evening. The conversation is weird and not really about anything, but it's an odd kind of fun. In addition, it's very different from the old chatting in that it's voice chat now along with a video feed from our "host."

In addition, I have been chatting with a girl I met in real life. We have become very fast friends and all of our important conversations have been on MSN. Sure, we've gotten together for the odd day/evening out, but we really only talk via MSN.

"Well there's nothing good ever come from guilt

Better give it up, give it up and move on"

Not that I have anything against Internet-based relationships. There was a time when my entire social life was on-line. I met my first girlfriend on-line. That ended, but it was still a good relationship for a while. Internet relationships can be just as important as in real life. Some people seem surprised by this.

"A lie is like a bottle of wine from a cheap liquor store...

It doesn't cost much at the time but it burns as it goes down...

And you know you're gonna pay - later you say, now it's OK

But as hard as you swallow you can't shake the taste

The acid and the afterthought churning in you belly"

I've been told I'm a great friend. That should be enough. I'm trying to not worry about any other relationships.

"And it leaves you with nothing but regrets

Just owning my mistakes"

Hello, my name is Michael and I'm an Internet Addict...

Last post: "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in my Hand" by Primitive Radio Gods

"I know what to do when you are staring at a screen
That says fatal error 642 you don't know what it means
You bang the keyboard, throw the mouse, and scream like a banshee
Your tiny brain has failed (NO) so now you must call me"

I am truly addicted to the internet. Every aspect of my life, professional, social, entertainment, and such are dependent on access.

"Please help me get on the information highway
I seem to be stuck in my virtual driveway
No help me first, I am in great despair"

Here is the current situation: My next-door neighbors are having their driveway replaced. Now the contractors did take the precaution of checking for lines, and I did see the markings and flags. However they were told the phone line was 3 feet underground, not the 3 inches it actually was. Of course this little event has to occur on the May long weekend. Sunday they cut the line, today (Monday) a friendly Telus tech arrives and makes a temporary fix, but a crew will be out tomorrow (hopefully) to do a permanent fix and bury it again.

The result, so far, was 24 hours without internet access. At first it was more the concern about not getting e-mail. I am reliant on it for most of my communication with my current source of income, so that is a genuine concern. But as I woke up this morning, unable to check my usual sites and web-comics, I found myself more irritated and frustrated. I actually found myself going for a walk around the neighborhood with my PSP looking for an open wireless connection (which did not take long).

"When I walk in the room
People they do bow
For I am the guy with computer know-how"

Of course, the only e-mail I had was a message from facebook, and I really haven't missed anything. Still, not being able to check. It was also frustrating not being able to do anything about it. I'm used to fixing peoples' computer troubles. There's also the issue that I will lose it again, hopefully temporarily, when they return to fix the line. I guess I'll have to get my fix tonight.

Prepare to launch

Last post: "Auld lang syne" by Robert Burns

"Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do what prophets say?
If I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?"

We're in the final stretch now with two more weeks of classes. I'm doing well, despite volunteering for an extra task. My final project is complete, my portfolio DVD is getting close, and I have my internship information. I really don't know what is going to happen next, which is a rather strange feeling. I haven't had a lot of time to think about it, but that time is coming soon. I've been preparing, but can I be fully prepared?

"A life is time, they teach you growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go"

I've been thinking about the wrong things, really. Obsessed about potential love, which isn't real. Hopefully the internship and coming job search will take my mind off of all that. I still need focus to finish up these last couple weeks. I am looking forward to the grad show, which I've been a part of. Hopefully that too will go well.

I've been watching The Office a lot. There is this constant theme of unrequited love, so I really identify with Jim. It's also a very funny show and I highly recommend it to anyone who actually reads this.

"I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met"

Year in review

Last post: “An Angel Returned” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' auld lang syne"

11:00 pm, December 31. Alone at home. Seems like a good time to consider everything.

I have discussed this with a few people; this should have been a great year. Between school and work, I've had some great experiences. I've been to Jasper for work, and Athabasca for part of a school project. I've met some minor celebrities and seen some incredible and inspiring speakers all while being paid to run camera for Sharps. Both work and school have sent me to some interesting locations in and around Edmonton, including the Shaw Conference Center, the Agricom, the Jubilee Auditorium, all four MacEwan campuses, and even the Ukrainian Cultural Village.

I have also made some new friends at school, work, and as part of my network of friends. In addition, I met the some of the fantastic volunteers from the Second Chance Animal Rescue Society. I produced two videos for them that they have already put to good use. I also produced a music video for a great local band, Automata. I hope to become more involved with both groups over the next year.

Between school, work, and friends, I have been to all kinds of parties. From countless Friday Feasts to a drunken college party, I've been more social than ever. Sharps has been great for the parties, what with the golf tournament, the dinner at the SCC, and the Christmas party. I even played videographer for a friend's wedding, and DJ at another party.

The experience at school proved quite useful for my summer job at Sharps. I was on camera (and in Jasper) a week after I started and proved my worth. In return, the experience at Sharps has proven invaluable at school. I have, by far, the most technical experience of any of my classmates and put it to good use in several shoots including organizing a shooting blitz in studio 1 over the Remembrance Day long weekend.

" We twa hae paidl’d in the burn,
frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin’ auld lang syne."

Amongst all that, I was dealt a crushing blow. A major change to my life that radically altered my intentions for the future, as well as leaving me lonely. I hate the fact that I feel lonely even though I have so many good friends. As I enter the new year, I know I have to leave that all behind. I know it has been for the best. Already lives are changing and getting better, and this is a good thing.

"And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gies a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willie-waught,
for auld lang syne."

2007: 2 stars out of 5. It should have been 5, though.

Remember the good, forget the bad. No regrets.